


The Evolution of Team-Bonding (or Loki Teaches Tony a Lesson)

by LoveCrumb



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Character Development, Crack Treated Seriously, Everyone has sex with Tony, Fuck Or Die, Humor, Loki Does What He Wants, Lots of Sex, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Multi, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Steve/Tony centric, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, but also not really, but not really
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2015-01-24
Packaged: 2018-03-04 18:17:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3080180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveCrumb/pseuds/LoveCrumb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint gives an incredulous laugh, “So what? That’s it for the Avengers? We have a giant superhero orgy or we never speak to each other again? Christ, this is unreal, it’s like “Fuck or Die” gone wrong!” He looks around. “What? Don’t tell me you guys have never read any fanfiction?”</p><p>“Enough, Clint.” Natasha shuts him up, like only she is able to do, “You’re going to give Cap an embolism.” Everyone looks at Steve, who's looking red-faced and sweaty, everyone except Tony because he’s busy freaking out himself and he can barely absorb a word they’re saying. </p><p>Bruce speaks up for the first time, “What do we have to do?”</p><p>Thor points his index finger at Tony and says,  “We must each have sex with Anthony.”</p><p>“Yes,” says Tony, looking up as he hears his name. They’re all looking at him funny. “Wait. What?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The God of Great Sex

**Author's Note:**

> A trigger warning for what could be perceived as mildly-dubious consent on all of the Avengers' part. For clarity, everyone is fully consenting to having sex, but it could potentially be perceived otherwise.  
> 

Okay, see, here’s the thing. Tony knows- he _knows_ he shouldn’t be mouthy with the former Prince of Asgard, with the so-called God of Mischief, with Thor’s estranged then not-so-estranged, brother. But if there’s one thing Tony knows equally well, it’s that he can’t resist tempting fate. Tempting fate has led him to where he is at this present moment, fighting what are apparently frost giants making their way across the Brooklyn Bridge, with the rest of his team and Loki who is also, apparently, a frost giant himself - who knew? The frost giants have been wreaking havoc across all of New York’s Five Boroughs for the last two days and they seem mostly impervious to anything but Asgardian magic, something of a specialty of Loki’s.

Frankly, Tony is beyond irritated to see the guy and pretty peeved that he had the balls to show his face anywhere close to New York, claiming to be an _ally_ no less. Yeah, fine, his teammates all agreed (very reluctantly) to let Loki help them after their efforts had only made a small dent in the number of Jotun pillaging the streets , but Tony will have none of Loki’s trickster bullshit, or at least, he’ll have none of it when this one giant stops crushing Tony’s head between its two bare fists. The helmet's visuals have gone berserk and his efforts to free himself are quickly failing. Jarvis' concerned voice plays in his ear, "Sir, the rear skull plate has taken critical damage and is no longer responding to the manual release. I'm afraid any continued efforts in that direction will surely decapitate you."

"Lovely," Tony snarls, "where are we on power? I can't see my goddamn display."

Jarvis' voice is grim in his ear, "we are at four percent back up power. Ammo reserves at zero percent."

Wanting to delay his decapitation, Tony pulls his right leg back, and engages the mini thrusters behind his knee, ramming a brutal kick into what he hopes is the giant's groin.  He hears a roar and the pressure on his skull increases twofold, "oooookay, so they don't like that on their planet either. Where's my backup?" He's sweating heavily now, the cool air that usually feeds into his helmet has been redirected into the suit to maintain its function with so little power left.  

Jarvis' voice cuts in and out, "Mk 42...inbound west at sixty.... seconds .... 40 and 41 are still unrespons... Your teammates are heavily preoccup...."

"Aggghh!" The grip on Tony's skull tightens further, and he can hear the metal plates of his helmet rending ominously. He has only one more second to realize he is well and truly done for when suddenly the pressure is gone, and miracle of miracles, his head isn’t a pile of goop on some giant snow alien’s clammy blue hand, said alien blown to pieces in a flash of green light.

Tony falls to the ground. He can barely breath and he’s pretty sure the back plate of his helmet is wedged up into his skull, but hey, he’s alive! His moment of gratitude is immediately undone when he hears that voice- that slimy, weirdly British voice (why do all the Gods sound like they’re rehearsing for Shakespeare in the Park?) and he sees that horrible face with its horrible mischievous trademark smirk and he realizes Loki just saved his life.

Tony groans a very loud, very annoyed groan and manages to twist his helmet off his head so that he can see and hear without interference. Loki has been speaking this whole time, and Tony barely registers any of it until he hears “But of course, the most useless Avenger required my aid, and does not even have the courtesy to thank me for it,” Loki dismisses him, turning away and heading to the battle that is moving slowly but steadily into Manhattan.

Hours from this moment, Tony will wonder why he couldn’t keep his mouth shut - was it his exhaustion, or his throbbing head, or is it the effect Loki seems to inevitably have on everyone around him? But he will realize that no, he opened his mouth because that’s just who Tony Stark is: a Big Fat Fate-Tempter.

“Uh, I tend not to thank people who once threw me out of a high-rise window.” To be fair, it isn’t the best of his comebacks, but hey, his head was almost smushed by an alien, give a guy a break. He can’t help but continue, as Loki turns slowly back to him, and Tony begins to count on his fingers “or someone who broke my hellicarier, released the hulk, stabbed my friend through the heart, opened a portal to unleash a giant alien army bent on conquering our planet- right over my tower no less-, who magically mind-controlled some of SHIELD’s best agents to do your evil bidding, however the hell that worked, and who managed to destroy countless lives, countless city blocks yada yada yada- look I’m running out of fingers. What I’m basically saying is this: I’m not going to thank you for shit. I don’t even care if you’re the God of Great Sex, you’re not hearing a word of thanks out of me.”

“Is that so?” Loki smirks once again, but it is a dangerous smirk and any person with a smidgen of self-preservation would leave, would run away, would get the hell out of Dodge but Tony isn’t one of those people so he immediately rebukes, “You’re a psychopathic piece of work with daddy issues who came crawling back to his brother with false remorse and a suspicious attitude change, and you expect us to just let you be a hero? You’ll never be a hero on this planet. People will look at you and only see the thousands of lives you destroyed, and the way you treated us like ants, easy to step on, easy to manipulate. You haven’t changed, only your motives have, and if you still think so little of us that we would fall for it a second time, you’re dead wrong.”

Loki takes a menacing step towards him and says “I know it to be true that not long ago your life’s work amounted to much the same, metal man. Weapons of war, carelessly left in the wrong hands, responsible for so many lives lost, for so much terror and despair. And for what? For you to realize the error of your ways, to right the wrongs you have made, to become a hero in a world that would never see you as one. Trickster I may be, but a hypocrite I am not.”

The thing is, Loki has a point. And that really pisses Tony off, so his reactionary response is to blow stuff up, and Loki seems to be the most obvious target for his anger right now. Loki effortlessly forms a magical barrier to dissolve the blast ('how- magic _how_??' Tony frantically thinks, unable to process) but Loki’s smirk is gone and the look replacing it is a little more scary.

Suddenly it isn’t Loki menacingly approaching him but Natasha and that throws Tony for a loop. She walks closer saying “Tony Stark displays compulsive behaviour, textbook narcissism and self-destructive tendencies. He is _not_ recommended for the Avengers Initiative.” And then, as quickly as Natasha appeared, suddenly Hawkeye is in her place, pointing an arrow straight at his arc reactor “I have a shot sir, I can shut him down for good. Say the word and Stark’s dead in the water.” And then it’s Bruce in front of him, fidgeting with his glasses and looking uncomfortable “I don’t think I can work with the guy. He’s seems like an egomaniac... I don’t care if he’s a genius, or Iron Man, or whatever, I just don’t think it’s a good idea to associate with any part of him.” And then Thor is looming closer to him, hammer nowhere in sight but looking no less menacing for it, with his bulging triceps and billowing cape. His booming voice echoes as he speaks: “He is a petty man, and to state so arrogantly that he has ‘privatized world peace’ ... I would not lower myself to work with such a human.” And finally Steve Rogers, with a look of disgust on his face, now closing the gap between them as he presses right into his space and says, just like Tony remembers it: “big man in a suit. Take that off and what are you? I’ve seen the footage. The only thing you really fight for is yourself. You may not be a threat but you better stop pretending to be a hero.”

Tony’s heart is racing, and he knows that his teammates have all really said those things about him, have all believed him to be close to worthless. To hear those words said about him, in such close succession, by his teammates he’s grown to deeply admire, has his blood pounding in his ears and his stomach churning. Steve Rogers is still looking down at him, still too close for comfort, but he has Loki’s smirk on his face and the image is just so wrong, so perverse, that Tony fires at him with the repulser again. The image of Steve flickers before him as he staggers backward, and it’s Loki again, and Tony realizes that he actually managed to hit the God before Loki could magic up his defenses. His shot has only appeared to leave Loki’s robe smoldering slightly, the impact of the beam sending him backward, but he seems uninjured. None the less, Loki is not happy, and while Tony may have the armor, his head is exposed.

Before he can even take flight, Loki hits him with a blast that has his suit short-circuiting. He tries to shout into his now mostly useless helmet for backup from his teammates, but he gets no response before it is promptly kicked from his hands into the East River.

Tony, playing for time, turns to Loki and says “You know, if you’re trying to get in our good books, this really isn’t helping your cause. If they find me dead and you have anything to do with it, they’ll be-”

“-Relieved?” Loki interrupts with his usual smirk. And before Tony can protest, he continues, “No, Son of Stark, I will not kill you. I have something much more useful in mind for you: a lesson. Let us see how highly the Avengers think of their metal man; Let us see how far they would go to protect you from harms way, and just how much you would ask of them to do so.”

And suddenly, a bright light glows around Tony, and it quickly turns blinding. He loses consciousness, arms up, eyes closed, and out of options.


	2. An Embarassment of Loki's

“Lo - he wakes.”

“Give him some air, Clint.”

“Bruce, go get Steve, he’ll wanna be here.”

“I have already alerted the Captain to Sir’s return to consciousness.”

Tony slowly opens his eyes, squinting to make sure that the light is normal. He’s still in his armor, on the ground, but his head is on a pillow and he’s definitely back in his tower, and somehow, miraculously, not in medical.

The first thing that comes out of his mouth is: “Loki. Where’s that son of a bitch, I’m going to kill that bastard.” He remembers that horrible smirk, a feeling of bone-deep hurt, and the bright light that overwhelmed him.

Thor looms over him pointing his hammer at Tony “Bastard he may be, you shall not speak ill of our mother.”

The Captain enters the room at a light jog and he looks immediately relieved to see Tony awake and apparently bickering with the God of Thunder.

“Cap, would you get Thor off my back, and maybe explain cultural language barriers while you’re at it? Jarvis, get me outta this thing. And how the hell am I not in medical?”

Natasha speaks up as the suit efficiently dismantles in front of them, “We saw a bright light at your end of the bridge and spotted you flying out of it seconds after it faded, making a beeline for the tower. We had the frost giants pretty well taken care of by then so we sent Cap in pursuit after we got no response from your commlink.”

Jarvis fills in the rest “I was able to regain normal suit function when you lost consciousness, presumably once the enchantment no longer interfered with the core relays, and while I would have preferred to take you to the local S.H.I.E.L.D medical facilities, I deferred to protocol 3.92, brought you here, and summoned resident medical staff instead. The Captain waited here with you while I ran preliminary diagnostics and found no cause for alarm, though you appeared to have been in a deep slumber. Medical staff are currently on standby should your status change.”

Steve interjects, apparently just having caught on, “Wait, an enchantment? That was magic? Loki did this?” He looks daggers at Thor, who replies, “Aye, it appears to be so.”

When Steve looks ready to start arguing, Thor holds up his hands in a placating gesture, “My brother is not innocent in this, but I might remind you that no harm has come to Anthony, his Jarvis has stated it to be so.”

Tony pipes up, “Uhh, I’d like to challenge that statement. No harm? Why the hell was I asleep for what, 30 minutes? What’s that about? A little bit concerned here"

“I don’t like this,” Steve shakes his head, “Tony wasn’t knocked unconscious, he was sleeping, and that strikes me as a little strange. Tony, what happened over there between you and Loki?”

Tony’s half sitting, half lying on the couch now, his head back with his thumb and forefinger pressing into his eyes, trying to recall what happened before that bright light consumed him. “Uhh, I think I called him some names, probably. I remember saying something about the God of Great Sex, though I hardly think that’s a bad thing to be associated with.”

“Tony,” Steve says, in his disappointed Captain voice that Tony just _hates_.

“Yeah, yeah, fine. Let me think. I definitely told him my opinion about him. He had some not-so-nice things to say about me in return. Something about a lesson? He wanted me to....”

“Are you okay, Tony?” Bruce has taken a few steps toward the couch because suddenly Tony’s face has gone white, and his eyes have begun to dart around the room and it’s clear that he remembers. Tony looks around the room at his teammates, remembers vividly how Loki magically impersonated each one of them, and he can’t bear to repeat what was said out loud. To hear it once, in succession, was more than enough already.

Natasha sits down next to Tony, placing a warm hand on his knee, “talk to us, Tony. You’re safe here.”

Tony sighs and leans forward, before looking up, and his eyes go even wider, “Am I safe? Really? Because Loki is standing right there in our living room.” Cap is the first to react, darting over to Loki, making to secure him, but instead just moves right through him because Loki is doing that annoying magical hologram thing again.

Bruce is looking distinctly green and he stumbles backwards and leaves the room to calm down. They don’t need a repeat of the last time Bruce and Loki were in a room together.

Natasha is muttering to Clint, “let’s get an eye on this Birdy,” as the two of them make their way to the room’s opposing windows, while Thor advances slowly towards his brother’s image, “Loki, explain yourself.”

Loki, for once, indulges his brother, “It’s really quite simple. Anthony, as you call him, is in dire need of a lesson. He is quick to recall my past transgressions, and equally quick to forget his own. He needs reminding that an estimation of one’s character must transform as circumstances evolve.”

“Bullshit.” It comes from Clint and that’s why Tony loves the guy, because he’ll always speak up. The Hawk still has his eyes out the window as he says: “I was this close to putting an arrow through your heart when you appeared. A half second more and maybe I would have. We only agreed to your help because we had to.”

Tony has to point out, “Also, what’s so different about me in this scenario? We’re all damaged goods here. And like Katniss said, we only let you on the team for this mission because we were getting desperate, and because you and Captain Thunderpants were the only two even remotely effective against these aliens. Look at us: Cap is ready to go all super-serum on your ass, Bruce can’t even be in the same room as you without turning green, Natasha might look the most restrained but her eye is twitching and that’s more than I’ve ever seen her react to something, Clint almost murdered you on site, and your brother looks like a kicked puppy. Collectively, we’re all pretty unhappy to see you.”

Loki’s smirk has only grown, and god, Tony _really_ hates the guy, “You make a fair point, Anthony. Which is why I have concluded that you must all learn this, how shall I put it, rather _serviceable_ lesson. Think of it as a gift, a team-bonding venture if you will.”

That, apparently, has struck a chord with Thor, because suddenly the thunder god is looking mutinous, and his hammer is back in his hand, pointing straight at Loki’s image, “You will put an end to this madness once and for all, brother. I will no longer tolerate these schemes of yours, especially one that threatens to cleave the strands of brotherhood as it has done so many times before. You seek nothing but to toil with our minds!”

Loki’s arms are spread wide as he encompasses the whole room in what looks like a gesture of generosity. “Once again, you overlook this offering, this opportunity for the Avengers to become so much more.”

A lot of things happen at once: Tony hears Clint say “I may have a shot,” just as Jarvis alerts Tony to the fact that Loki’s heat signature has been registered in the opposite building; Natasha gives Clint a nod just as Loki’s hologram speaks up, cottoning on, “It appears that my welcome has been overstayed. We shall meet again soon, Avengers.”; A bright light, identical to the one Tony witnessed not an hour before begins to grow in the center of the room where Loki disappears; Thor, god bless him, throws his hammer at the light in an idiotic last-ditch attempt at stopping his brother, only for it to tear through the walls of Tony’s freshly restored upper floors; As luck would have it the hammer homes in on Bruce instead, and the resulting roar of rage from the hulk is the cherry on top of this catastrophic suck-fest; The last thing Tony sees is Steve, running toward him, shield held high to block the light as it forms a sort of halo-effect around his head, just as the light becomes overwhelming.

Tony has a second to think “Well, this is embarrassing,” before he loses consciousness once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Protocol 3.92: In which Tony has fallen asleep in the suit and/or is drunk off his ass, and Jarvis thereby has the authority to disengage the manual override and fly him back to his closest residence.


	3. This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things.

Tony is the first to wake up from the Hangover: Part 2. This time he has no problem recalling what happened before he lost consciousness. There’s a crushing weight on top of him; it seems as though Steve was able to get to him on time, and he’s all but draped himself over Tony’s head and torso, though he’s definitely still unconscious.

There’s a little drool coming out of the corner of Steve’s mouth, while Natasha is snoring lightly just over by Tony’s right, her face smushed into the window. The two of them make an oddly endearing pair, and something about them looking so vulnerable and normal tugs at Tony’s heart strings. He somehow manages to squeeze out from under Steve’s (not so unpleasant) weight and takes a few heaving breaths, “Jarvis, you up buddy?”

“Yes, Sir, though I appear to be encountering a familiar malfunction where at the end of the sentence I say the wrong cantaloup.”

“Well at least you’re off of berries and onto melons. Put our patch on it. How are the Avengers?” He looks around at his unconscious teammates.

“The patch has been temporarily implemented. The Avengers appear to be in a deep slumber, with the exception of Thor, who is currently waking.”

“Let me know when that changes.”

Tony spares a glance at Thor’s rustling form before making his way over to Bruce, taking a shortcut through the holes Thor’s hammer made, because why the hell not. Bruce, thankfully, is human again, so Tony throws a blanket over him. Even though the creep-factor is high in this scenario, for some reason he can’t resist checking the man out before he covers him up. He’s never really noticed just how hunky Bruce is, in a bespectacled-scientist sort of way. “Whatever the hell that means,” Tony mutters to himself.

He makes his way back to Thor, who is hunched over himself, looking far too pouty for a self-respecting God. Tony sighs, standing in front of Thor, hands on his hips “Let me guess, he’s done this before.”

“Aye.”

“And it didn’t turn out particularly well.”

Thor looks up at him, and - is that a blush? Tony’s struck by the realization, at that very moment, that he is a member of what has to be the most attractive superhero team ever. Sure, _objectively_ , he’s admired Thor’s biceps and maybe he secretly wanted to pinch Steve’s butt and give Clint’s arms a quick grope. And yeah, perhaps he has not so subtly flirted with Natasha when she was undercover at SI, and with Bruce in the Helicarrier when they were being geniuses together. Why it’s dawning on him now, that he may have a super-huge crush on his teammates, is a bit of a mystery to him. In any case, Thor’s visage has taken on a distinctly pinkish undertone, whether it’s from anger or something else entirely, and he replies, “‘Well’ is not the word I would use to describe what occurred the last time Loki employed such magic.” The God stands up and surveys the room, looking grim.

Tony almost doesn’t want to know, “So what is it? What are we up against?”

Before Thor can answer, Jarvis addresses him, “Sir, the Avengers appear to be waking en masse.”

Tony looks around as he hears a collective groan. Natasha gives a loud snort as she jerks awake and Tony should not find that attractive but god help him, he really does. He averts his gaze before Natasha can catch him at it, making eye contact with Steve instead, who’s the first to ask in an adorably sleepy voice: “What happened?”

Clint gives a disdainful snort as he pushes himself off the floor, his arm muscles flexing tantalizingly, “I know what happened. I’ll never forget the feeling of magic messing with my brain. It had to be Loki, that sick son of a bitch.”

Thor looms over him “watch your tongue.”

Bruce enters the room, blanket draped around his shoulders, his hair on end and looking like he woke up from the world’s worst nap. Seeing the impending fight, he walks right back out.

Cap tries to interject, because Thor and Clint are still glaring daggers at each other, “Clint, let’s try to be more aware of the words we use around Thor- and Thor, he’s not insulting your mother. He’s insulting your brother.” When Thor still looks pissed off, Steve turns to Tony, “That’s not better is it?”

“It’s really not,” Tony confirms.

Clint continues to and stare down Thor, “You know what? Maybe I was. You have a freak like that mess with your mind more than once, you don’t feel too charitable about him, or any of his family members, afterward.”

“Speak again and you shall feel the wrath of Mjolnir, Hawk.”

“Uhh, yeah, you better listen to him Clint,” Tony says, a note of desperation in his voice.

Natasha puts a placating arm on Clint’s shoulder, but he shrugs it off with an angry jerk and opens his big fat mouth, “I should have shot him when I had the chance.”

Thor’s hammer zooms into his hand, almost hitting Bruce again in the process if the shout they hear is anything to go by, and he swings it at Clint. Clint, the quick little bastard he is, has already dashed out of range, but Steve is there instead, shield up, blocking Thor’s swing.

A deafening ringing boom sounds from the impact of Mjolnir on the Vibranium shield, and all the glass in the room spontaneously shatters. The five Avengers in the center of the room are flung backwards.

The ringing eventually subsides and Tony sighs very loudly, “Well, fuck. You really did it, didn’t you, Clint!? You just had to go there? Why do you have to be such an ass?” Tony’s earlier charitable feelings toward his teammates has suddenly vanished. In its place he feels irrational anger, though if the state of his newly renovated living room is anything to go by, his anger is justified. Natasha is inspecting a broken nail, though she is also giving Clint a hard stare, sharing in Tony’s sentiment. Steve gives Tony a pointed look, one that says “Shut up, or else.”

Wind is rushing through the room now, and Bruce, who is mercifully still human, carefully steps into the room once again, looking extremely wary (and slightly green) while surveying the damage. Everyone is on their feet, everyone except Thor who looks shamefaced as he takes in the room, seeing the destruction he’s brought.

Steve, ever the clear-headed leader, goes to stand in the middle of the room, and he addresses his teammates, “Look at us. I hate to say it, but Loki has a point. We’re only going to get through this in one piece if we work together.”

Natasha voices her agreement, “Steve’s right. We can’t keep fighting each other.”

By this point, Tony has put two and two together, “Also, isn’t this a little reminiscent of our time on the Helicarrier? We were under the influence of Loki’s magic then too and it turned us into a group of assholes. Or a bigger asshole, in my case,” he adds, before anyone else can. “This is something we were able to deal with once before, pretty awfully I shouldn’t have to remind you, so we sure as hell can deal with it again, and this time we’ll do it better.” He looks around at the destroyed room, “Well, a little better.”

Thor still looks like the human embodiment of a dog-shaming video, sitting in the dent he made on the floor, not making eye contact with anyone. Natasha not so subtly elbows Clint in the gut. He grunts, and makes his way over to Thor, holding out his hand to help the god to his feet. Thor looks up, his face unreadable, but he accepts Clint’s hand.

After taking a moment to collect himself Thor glances around the room, looking at each of his teammates. “It is true. Loki’s magic has already taken effect.” He contemplates Tony last, “However it is a different kind of magic than we last observed on the Helicarrier, a spell I have had the misfortune to encounter once before, when I was but a lad. It is an invocation Loki stole from an Asgardian sorceress by the name of Amora. In other realms she is known by the moniker ‘Enchantress.’” When no one makes any sign of recognition, Thor continues, “She employs the magic of seduction to turn people into her pawns, or for her own perverse amusement.”

Tony’s mind automatically fills in the blanks: the enhanced attraction he’s feeling toward his teammates must be a result of this spell. Then his mind skips to an even more alarming thought: What the hell are his teammates feeling right now?

For some reason, he looks to Steve first. Out of all of them, he can’t help but think of Steve feeling the most confusion right now if the spell is affecting him the same way it is Tony. Steve indeed looks mildly horrified as he asks, “But you must have found a way to break the enchantment the last time it happened, right?”

Thor winces slightly, “Aye, but with great shame to many involved. It was in our search for The Enchantress that Loki, with great remorse, revealed to me that the spell was cast from his own hand. He had witnessed Amora use it once before, and after many years he had attempted to replicate it on a group of ruffians who had tormented him frequently in his youth. Yet he was but a babe in the art of witchcraft, and the enchantment rebounded onto Loki and those surrounding him. As he was the one to cast the enchantment, he was able to devise a counter-spell, but not before myself, Lady Sif, and The Warriors Three had already succumbed to many of its effects. Had I known he would use such a spell again...”

Tony feels even more guilty for provoking Loki in the first place: it’s because of him Loki chose this specific spell. What was it he had said? _I don’t even care if you’re the God of Great Sex, you’re not hearing a word of thanks out of me._ Well Tony really put his finger in it. He’s even worse than Clint, and you couldn’t pay that guy a million bucks to keep his trap shut.

Clint, of course, speaks up and asks what everyone’s thinking “So what happens if we can’t break the spell?”

Thor takes a pregnant pause before answering, “It is spell meant to humiliate, to induce a mutual arousal so strong that we are eventually incapable of suppressing our urge to consummate our lust. Yet should we decided to do nothing, it shall ultimately incite within us a hatred for each other so deep that we would not be capable of associating with one another any longer.”

Clint gives an incredulous laugh, “So what? That’s it for the Avengers? We have a giant superhero orgy or we never speak to each other again? Christ, this is unreal, it’s like “Fuck or Die” gone wrong!” He looks around. “What? Don’t tell me you guys have never read any fanfiction?”

“Enough, Clint.” Natasha shuts him up, like only she is able to do, “You’re going to give Cap an embolism.” Everyone looks at Steve, who's looking red-faced and sweaty, everyone except Tony because he’s busy freaking out himself and he can barely absorb a word they’re saying.

Bruce speaks up for the first time, “What do we have to do?”

Thor points his index finger at Tony and says, “We must each have sex with Anthony.”

“Yes,” says Tony, looking up as he hears his name. They’re all looking at him funny. “Wait. What?”

 


	4. Natasha's Stinger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see the chapter's End Notes for chapter warnings (spoilers).

“Oh god, Natasha, what are you doing? What is _that_ for? Is that a cattle prod? Holy crap, that’s a cattle prod. Even _I’ve_ never- wait- no. Nonononono-yes YES! Hnnngg-no wait I just. Can you? Ahhhh hah _haaaaaaaaawhydoesthatfeelsogood_? Wait, no, yes, fine. I’ll shut up. Haaaaahhhh, aaaahhhhhhhhnope. Nope I lied. Not shutting up. Can you do that again? Why are you bringing out the ball gag? No wait, I’ll be quiet I promise! See, just do it again and I’ll haaaaaaaaahhhhhhh nope. Nope, can’t do it. No wait, try it again I’ll just- not the- _hmph._ ”

 

\---------- _1 hour earlier----------_

 

 

“What do you mean _me_ \- why me!?” Tony exclaims.

Jarvis is the first to answer, “Sir, I believe Thor is correct in his recommendation. It seems, for all intents and purposes, that you were the intended target of Loki’s spell.”

The A.I pulls up footage taken from the suit's backup camera and they all watch as Loki takes a menacing step towards the screen and says: “Let us see how highly the Avengers think of their metal man; Let us see how far they would go to protect you from harms way, and just how much you would ask of them to do so.” The recording ends in a blinding flash, just like they had witnessed not an hour earlier. Steve gives an angry huff and goes to stand at the broken window, looking broodingly out toward the Empire State Building.

Tony shakes his head, “I’ll admit, you are all looking pretty edible at the moment, but, _BUT_ ,” he has to say louder when Cap’s head whips around and he gives Tony an appalled look, “I’m having a hard time believing that I have to bang all of you. I mean, I’m not really complaining, but are we actually going to do this?”

He looks around at each of his teammates, expecting at least one of them to step forward and stop this discussion in its tracks.

Bruce, surprisingly, is the first to speak up. He rubs the back of his neck and gives a shrug “Honestly, it’s no skin off of my back. If we have to do it to save the team, then I’m in.”

Natasha gives Tony a considering look and nods her head once in affirmation, “me too.”

Clint smirks, “Can’t say I haven’t thought about it.”

Thor stands tall, “I would be honoured to lay with you, Anthony.”

“You’re all serious,” Tony can’t help but add, somewhat incredulously.

They all turn to look at Steve, who is resolutely staring out the window, the wind blowing his hair every which way. Still in his Captain America regalia, he reminds Tony of the seriousness of their predicament. He feels bad for Steve- the guy’s been outvoted. A heavy curl of doubt winds itself around Tony's stomach. _Of course_ he can't ask this of his teammates. It's too much. They'll have to find another way.

After taking a deep breath, Steve exhales, bows his head and mutters, “Yeah. Fine.”

Thor claps his hands together once and proclaims, a little too joyously in Tony’s opinion, “It has been decided! We shall lay with our SHIELD brother,” he puts his huge arm around Tony’s shoulder and gives him a big wet kiss on the cheek, a grin plastered on his face “And we must make haste if we are to keep ahead of this enchantment! May we gift upon you great pleasure, Son of Stark!”

Before Tony can joke about volunteers, Natasha strides forward and snags him by the collar, “I’ll go first.”

 

\--------------------------------------------------------

 

So that was how Tony found himself at the mercy of Natasha Romanoff, strung up in her BDSM dungeon. _Okay,_ it wasn’t so much a dungeon as it was a steel suspension bar hanging from the ceiling, but still, the revelation that Natasha even had one at all sent Tony’s mind reeling- oh the fantasies he’s had. It only took a mildly questioning look from her for him to blurt out a “yes,” and a surreal twenty minutes later, after firm instructions from Natasha, he was securely cuffed to the bar, his arms suspended above him, wearing nothing more than a pair of purple boxer-briefs adorned with tiny American flags.

Natasha smirked when she saw him. The look in her eyes was as if Tony had just revealed some great secret about himself.

“What? I’m patriotic.”

Natasha said nothing, but her smirk grew. “How do you feel about electrical stimulation?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for BDSM and relatively mild M/F. The rest of the story is explicit M/M.  
> This chapter took so long for me post because I wrote four different versions of it, and when I finally picked the version I wanted, I had to edit it like a maniac, so this chapter is the bare bones of what it used to be. It’s also quite a bit shorter, but a lot better for it. Ultimately, though I’m probably thinking way too much about this, it didn’t feel right to have these two characters engaging in traditional heterosexual intercourse. It wasn’t right for the story or for how I imagine the characters. Sex doesn’t have to be penetrative to be sex, in my opinion. To be clear: there’s a lot of penetrative sex going on in the remaining chapters, and it gets a heck of a lot dirtier. This chapter is more plot than porn, but that will change for the next four chapters. Maybe this was my way of giving Tony a break before things get real ‘hard’ for him haha. 
> 
> If it’s not already apparent, I know essentially nothing about the BDSM world other than the fact that it’s basically the opposite of what happens in 50 Shades of Grey. As I refuse to read that piece of damaging sexist propaganda, I just did a little research of my own into the bondage community. The cattle prod is obviously not a cattle prod, but some sort of prod re-purposed into a Violet Wand, because Natasha would totally go for the scarier looking stuff. This is written with the intent that Nat and Tony are fully consenting and experienced in how bdsm works and also with the knowledge that Tony is all talk and would use his safeword if he actually wanted to stop. My knowledge of Canon!Natasha is that she is uncanny in her ability to read people, and I’d like to think that she would be a hyper-vigilant dungeon master, so Tony is in good hands. I decided not to include their discussion about safe bondage in this chapter because it made it sound clinical instead of the sex comedy it’s supposed to be (If my knowledge/writing skills about bdsm were up to higher standards, I probably could have written that conversation between them in a way that would be sexy and fun. Consent is sexy, people).
> 
> Also, Steve stares broodingly at the Empire State Building because you can see it from the tower in The Avengers film and I wanted to foreshadow Tony’s unease at having to debase a national icon in the near future, hah!


End file.
